[ download books ] I Promised Not to Tell: Raising a Transgender ChildAuthor Cheryl B. Evans – Mariahilff.de

What is unique about this story is that it follows one transgender child from birth through age eighteen You get a real sense of what this family went through Their son's desperate effort to comply to societal gender norms, a suicide attempt, a family members struggle with God and transgenderism, a heart breaking death and much Every step of their son's transition from female to male FTM is discussed in detail, including hormone replacement therapy and sex reassignment surgeries This book shares it all in the hopes of making a difference in what seems like a harsh and cruel world for transgender peopleIn the beginning, transgenderism was not even on Mom’s radar There was a so much to learn She went from knowing nothing at all about the subject to becoming significantly knowledgeable The journey this family took is spelled out in the pages of this book in the hope that it offers encouragement, support and wisdom to others Mom shares many of the resources she used along her own family’s journey and extends to you a friendship that goes far beyond the pages of this bookThis is a uniquely written and thought provoking true story which transitions beautifully between the family’s personal journey and some of the larger societal issues that face the transgender community todayEven if you don't know a transgender person, this book will make you feel as if you do If you have been curious about this topic this mother's story will certainly provide you with great insight Perhaps you are a transgender person and looking for a book that can help you explain and introduce the topic to your family and friends This book can help pave the way to acceptance and understanding I Promised Not to TellRaising a transgender child is a honest and timely memoir

10 thoughts on “I Promised Not to Tell: Raising a Transgender Child

  1. Diane Yannick Diane Yannick says:

    I was provided with a free e-book by the author for this honest review. Any mistakes I make with terminology or understanding are entirely my fault as I'm still learning. I am interested in this topic primarily as a 68 year old woman who tries to understand human rights issues of all kinds. I also have a close 50 year old friend who is currently transitioning FTM after decades of being trapped in the wrong body and spending way too much time in psychiatric hospitals. I have been a cheerleader for her transition as she navigates her journey. This book was a gift to me and anyone else who needs or wants an honest look at transgender issues.

    Jim and Cheryl (pseudonyms, I know) give Jordan amazing support and love as he expresses his gender identity from an early age. Their decisions about the timing of his surgeries are made jointly and in their son's best interest. No obstacle was too huge for this family. It helped that Jordan was certain about what he wanted and never wavered. After reading this book and Becoming Nicole, I am certain that some are born with a gender dysphoria that must be addressed in order to have a shot at happiness. Jordan always thought of himself as a boy and feels no need to label himself as FTM or transgender. He just needed to get his body synchronized with his mind.

    Cheryl Evans makes nothing off limits. She addresses testosterone, top and bottom surgery, dating, bathrooms, safety plus lots more. I learned about the difficulty of changing your gender identity legally. (I realize that they live in Canada but know that many of the same obstacles are also encountered in the USA.) She did not try to sugar coat the effect that Jordan's transition had on his sister.

    After reading this book, I now believe that minimum ages for surgery need to be determined case by case. I believe that there are other kids like Jordan who absolutely know who they are at an early age and are ready for surgery in their teens. Jordan seems smart, articulate and compassionate. After high school, I can see him helping others to forge their own path. I hope that in the near future the craziness of HB2 and other senseless legal and insurance regulations will completely disappear.

    Thanks you Cheryl for your sharing your family's story.

  2. Peter Green Peter Green says:


    While we Americans seem stymied by the hate speech which divides our country, we might well pause, take a deep breath of cool, Canadian air and heed a cue on a contentious issue from our neighbors to the north. Confronted with a daughter who had felt and dressed like a boy from early childhood, preferred sports to dolls and who at 13, wished she were a boy, Cheryl Evans and her husband crisscross their country in search of experts who can help the family solve their dilemma. After much study, prayer and consultation with their child, they all agree that sex reassignment is the best way to proceed. The book resulting from their journey into the unknown serves as a fascinating history of how this well-intentioned family, not unlike yours or mine, faced this stark diagnosis and moreover serves as a manual for anyone confronted with a similar issue. The intelligent role played by school principals. medical professionals and even the government of Ontario province further sets an example for all of tolerance, behavior toward each other and public service we should all try to emulate.

    No one in this family, including their elder daughter, escapes doubt, emotional conflict and the fear of hateful judgment visited upon them by self-righteous critics acting in the name of God. Deeply religious herself, Evans read the entire Bible (it took her seven months) to see whether these pious people’s claims were really His word—and found much evidence to the contrary. She concludes that the key to understanding these sacred texts lies in their interpretation with wisdom and love.

    The proof of this approach still lies ahead, but their new son was able to enter high school in a nearby, different district as a new person, has never been happier nor more successful his studies and looks forward to his third and final sex-change surgery with brave anticipation. This book is well-drafted in a brisk. readable style and should be must reading, not only for those families with a transgender child, but for all of us, so we may understand, accept and relate to such individuals in a normal, friendly and healthy way.

    —Peter H. Green, co-author of Radio: One Woman’s Family in War and Pieces

  3. Laurie • The Baking Bookworm Laurie • The Baking Bookworm says:

    4.5/5 STARS - I agreed to review this book because, while I'm not a mother of a transgender child, I wanted to learn more. I wanted to understand. There has been so much in the media about transgenderism in the last few years but it was often relayed with a very slanted and sensational purpose. My knowledge thus far had been to see some transgender celebrities on TV and read Becoming Nicole by Amy Ellis Nutt a couple of months ago. My knowledge base was meager to say the least.

    With I Promised Not To Tell, Evans has shone a bright light on the emotional, social and personal implications of someone struggling to be their authentic gender. This is Evans' personal story as a mother of a transgender child and how her family helped her daughter Jordan transition from female to male within the Canadian health, educational and legal systems. Her writing style is quite casual and has an easy-going conversational feel and yet she has provided a great resource for parents of transgender children as well as the general public to get a better idea about the struggles for those who are transgender.

    This is a story about family and two parents whose only desire is for their two children to be happy. This fact is proven time and again in the book as Evans details how they educated themselves about transgenderism and became staunch advocates for Jordan as he transitioned from female to male as he went into puberty. Evans admits her family's mistakes during the process and details their struggles to come to terms with the reality that their child/sister is transgender. There was a lot of adjustment to expectations and it seemed that their older daughter Mariah struggled the most. Evans touches on how Mariah was influenced by people with strong religious convictions (who deem transgender people being 'not of God') and while Mariah is said to be someone who doesn't want to be in the spotlight, it would have been interesting to get her personal, and no doubt, emotional take on the changes her sister went through. I respect the fact that Evans has changed the names of her family and hidden her own identity to honour her son and his desire to remain anonymous.

    This is a great book for the general public to get an idea of what transgender means but ultimately it is a wonderfully detailed resource for parents of transgender children with a very personal feel. It is a guide to help parents understand and be able to navigate the educational, health care and legal systems as their child transitions to their rightful gender. For a small book, Evans packs a lot of information about gender dysphoria (gender identity disorder) and issues affecting transgender people including the washroom debate, dating, others thinking that transgenderism can be 'fixed', the risk of entrusting the knowledge of your transgenderism to a romantic partner, gender affirming surgery (commonly referred to as gender reassignment surgery) etc. She also outlines the importance of being able to change the gender on passports, birth certificates, driver's license, health cards etc - something I had never given much thought to - and how being denied the right to change that little F to an M or visa versa can impact a person's need to be considered their correct gender in every aspect, including legally.

    At the end of the book Evans provides her readers with many resources for further information. Evans has done the leg work and successfully raised a confident and much happier son which will hopefully aid other parents in similar situations. Through this book I hope that Evans is able to open some minds, provide some clarity to gender dysphoria and dispel myths and misinformation surrounding transgenderism. Evans has proven that love for one's child is a very strong motivator and I applaud her for bringing her family's story forward to help others. If you or someone you know is struggling with gender dysphoria I highly recommend this valuable resource.

    Favourite Quotes:

    Everyone's life matters and everyone deserves to be happy but not everyone is in a place where they think, or even believe, happiness is possible.

    The most basic thing about transgender people is they truly believe they're the gender they identify with! Transgender women do not think of themselves as men wearing women's clothing, they ARE women.

    Disclaimer: My sincere thanks to the author for providing me with a complimentary ebook copy of her book in exchange for my honest review.

  4. Julie Garner Julie Garner says:

    I read this book with an open mind and heart. After Raising Ryland, I wanted to know more about the transgender community and the author of this book offered me a copy in return for an honest review.
    Honestly, although this book deals with some tough subjects and hard emotions, it was easy to read. The language and writing style is something that you can tell has come from the girl next door, not a doctor, not someone who loves to play with words, but just someone who wanted to share her story in the only way she knew how.
    Cheryl has shared what her family was going through, especially her son Jordan. What I found different about this book was not Cheryl's reaction to Jordan's needs, or her faith in God, but the fact that Jordan was nearly 10 years older than Ryland when he was able to verbalise his needs. I am not going to compare the two boys, their families or their stories but, in reading both books I have been able to see their journey through different eyes and at different ages.
    I have always been interested in what a teenager wants and needs when it comes to their gender dysphoria. What I love about Cheryl's journey is that she does not hold back. She tells us what Jordan needed and how they went about it. I always knew inside that when someone needs to feel comfortable in their body they would do whatever they needed to in order for this to happen. Jordan needed different things at different times and lucky for him, his family supported him in all of his choices.
    I found the different way countries deal with this topic quite interesting and I love that Canada seems to be ahead of the game with most of it. Imagine the heartbreak of the American Transgender Kids and Adults who have to use a bathroom, just because their birth certificate says they were born a certain way. People today should be made to feel safe in their bodies and in their minds. Things like this attack their very health in an exceptionally harsh way.
    I know that Jordan didn't want his story to be told, but I really appreciate that you were able to tell it. I have a better understanding behind wanting to change things that seem so little to me and why they aren't so little, such as their birth certificate gender. Then there are the big ones, like surgery. Your family is very brave for making sure you son is safe and happy. I applaud you following through to ensure that he is who is. I also applaud you for sharing a journey that has not been easy and I am sure that there will more for you all to face. Hopefully one day, these changes will just be a part of life and we won't need people to tell their stories so that we can understand.

  5. Brenda Mohammed Brenda Mohammed says:

    ‘I promised not to Tell’ is a heart-rending story of parents who were faced with a dilemma when their daughter decided she wanted to change her gender. As any loving parents will do, they accepted her decision after many consultations with the right people.
    I chose to read this book because it brought back memories of my hairdresser who was a handsome young boy when I met him. He had approached other banks for a loan to extend his hairdressing business and was turned down but never told me the reason. During my visits to him to have my hair done, I noticed that he was changing physically, but did not think much of it. I offered to have a look at his loan proposal.
    When he turned up at my bank to request the loan, he was dressed like a woman. He was required to fill out insurance documents to cover the loan, which I had approved.
    Next to gender, he ticked ‘Female.’
    The Insurance Medical doctor examined him and confirmed that he was female.
    It was then I understood.
    He had undergone surgery for biological change.
    I was glad that I did not discriminate, despite opposition from other managers and staff members. Today she is a top hairdresser, owns a fabulous house, and a state of the art beauty salon. The rich and famous frequent her salon. She is also a beautiful woman admired by many.
    The author is right. “Love, patience, and time, really do heal.”
    Her story was told from the heart. It was nothing she expected or hoped for, but she accepted her child’s decision in order to save his life and for him to be healthy and happy.
    I like this statement by the author: “More loving, more accepting and less judging is what we so desperately need in this world today.”
    This book is educational and very helpful for parents who have children facing similar circumstances, as well as for parents who have no such issues.
    It should be read by all.

  6. Jonathan Fryer Jonathan Fryer says:

    Gender dysphoria is something that has been increasingly understood in the modern world, though public attitudes have not necessarily adapted as quickly as they should. Let's be honest, the subject makes many people feel uncomfortable, yet there is no logical reason why it should, as long as love and respect rule in one's dealings with a person who has identified with a different gender from the one into which they were born. It is intriguing how young many transgender people are when they realise their true selves. jordan, the second child of author Cheryl B Evans, was just a toddler when he rejected his female traits. He was fortunate in having parents who were so supportive of his transition, and in living in Canada, which is more progressive in such matters than some parts of the United States, for example. For his mother the journey the family took together was at times challenging, but ultimately fruitful. Though this book will of special interest to parents raising a transgender child (there is lots of practical advice) it should have much wider appeal, not least because it is written with the charming simplicity of sincerity.

  7. Hillary Whittington Hillary Whittington says:

    “I Promised Not to Tell: Raising a Transgender Child” by Cheryl B. Evans was a genuine, touching account of a mother who has her child’s best interest at the forefront of her journey. I rarely read a book in one day but this one was an exception, since it was difficult to put down. As a mother of a transgender child, I related to so many aspects of Cheryl’s story- the triumphs and tribulations of supporting your child when other’s don’t understand- and I was grateful for her willingness to be honest on all levels. I have no doubt this book will serve as a comfort for families with similar situations, as well as an educational tool for those interested in learning more about gender creative children. Thank you so much for writing I Promised Not to Tell!!!

  8. Viga Boland Viga Boland says:

    In the closing pages of I PROMISED NOT TO TELL by Cheryl B. Evans, the author says she wonders if she has made a mistake in publishing this book. Let me begin by assuring her the only mistake would have been to not publish it. I PROMISED NOT TO TELL is quite possibly one of the most important books to date on a very controversial, and little understood social issue: transgenderism. And what makes it even more valuable is that the focus is on helping parents recognize, and whether they like it or not, accept that their daughter might actually be a son or vice versa.

    To enlighten others about some of the dreadful problems associated with a child being transgender, since she promised not to tell, Cheryl B. Evans has had to use fictitious names for real people. The real people in this story are members of her own family. I PROMISED NOT TO TELL is about Cheryl’s daughter, Jordan, whose transition from female to male begins around the time of puberty. Had the parents ignored or dismissed the warning signs that things just weren’t right for Jordan at that time, this story would most likely have had an unwanted and tragic ending.

    But as Cheryl B. Evans states early in I PROMISED NOT TO TELL, and repeats throughout the book, what she and her husband wanted most for her children was their happiness. And everything these parents do in this book proves they mean what they say. They listened to, and trusted in what Jordan believed was right for her; they educated themselves on transgenderism; they located knowledgeable therapists and doctors, and stood united and strong beside their daughter when faced with religious ignorance that claims such children are “not of God”.

    Cheryl B. Evans has documented each life-changing step of Jordan’s transition from female to male so that others who may be facing the same issues and don’t know where to turn have a place to start, coupled with the knowledge they are not alone. Cheryl addresses issues like washroom use, dating in later years and the gender affirming surgeries more frequently called sex reassignment. At the end of the book she includes a list of resources and contacts, including the names of doctors her family worked with.

    Other issues raised by Cheryl are the complications that arise with simple day to day things like passports, birth certificates, driving licences etc. Think of all the official forms we fill out daily that ask us to identify ourselves as M or F. Well, what happens when F is now M? This paperwork can take months, years to change over. And on deeper levels, Cheryl makes one look at the ramifications of dating, falling in love, and falling out of love with someone who knows your secret and then tells all your mutual friends. Again, we face another social situation where people are forced to hide their true selves. As if there isn’t enough cover up of so much in our world already.

    I’m sure it’s Cheryl’s hope that, if nothing else, I PROMISED NOT TO TELL will open a few more minds, clarify the myths and falsehoods, and get more people talking openly about what being transgender really means. If you are facing such a situation with your child, I urge you to read this book. Both you and your child need what Cheryl has so kindly shared with readers and parents. And when you do, I’m sure you will come away impressed not just by the courage shown by Jordan in this book, but by the love Cheryl and her husband have for their children. That love affirms what I’ve always believed: true love has nothing to do with gender. Love is love. I loved I PROMISED NOT TO TELL. Highly recommended reading.

    Viga Boland
    Learning to Love Myself: A memoir of healing after child sexual abuse
    Love Has No Gender
    Voice from an Urn: A mother tells her side of her daughter's true story of incest
    No Tears for My Father: A true story of incest
    The Ladies of Loretto

  9. Angie Angie says:

    Originally posted @ https://readaholiczone.blogspot.com/2...

    This is an engaging read written through the eyes of a loving mother with a transgender child. The prose reads like you are having a personal conversation with the author who being a greenhorn when it comes to writing did well with composing this book.

    The sole purpose of this book is to educate all people about what it is to be transgender. Therefore, is not exclusively intended for families with a transgender child, but for all people due to the importance of knowing what it means to be transgender in today’s society. The correct term is Gender Dysphoria where people identify with a gender different from the one they were assigned at birth due to genetics and the biological makeup of their brain. Transgender is not about being gay or straight. It is not a mental illness. They are not pedophiles just because they want to use the bathroom that matches their “gender identity”. The book does explain all aspects of what it is like to have Gender Dysphoria from how it affects them mentally, the physical alterations that have to take place, also the enormous effects on the family and how detrimental it is for the family to be supportive and understanding.

    “The most basic thing about transgender people is they truly believe they are the gender they identify with! Transgender women do not think of themselves as men wearing women’s clothing, they ARE women. Naturally, they should be in a woman’s washroom.”

    This is not the first book that I have read in regard to someone's journey transitioning from one sex to another, but it is the one I have learned the most from. I believe this is due to the fact that it is written from the viewpoint of a person who is standing back and watching it all occur whereas also involved. Therefore, everything the mother saw or went through with her child so does the reader. You are there when Jordan first goes to school as a boy, you are educated by the doctors at the same time the family is, learning about the importance of hormones, go through surgeries, and learn what a packer is along with his outstanding mother. In addition to, the obstacles that you do not think of like having to change the gender on passports, birth certificates, and driver's license. It is hard, but Cheryl gets it done.

    The word of God says love thy neighbor, it doesn’t say love thy neighbor except for the ones you do not like...It also says in the bible that God looks at one’s heart, not at one’s outward appearance.

    This is not just a book it is a learning experience. An important one for people of all ages. There is so much more I would like to mention about what I read, I could brag about this book for pages, though I think it is more important that you pick up a copy and read it for yourself.

  10. J. James J. James says:

    In all honesty this is not a book I would have picked up and read but I am so glad that I was lucky enough to have been given the opportunity by the author. I Promise Not to Tell is a book that should be required reading for everyone. This is a topic that is not the easiest to tackle but the author dealt with it with sensitivity, compassion and understanding and this was because the story is told from the point of view of a parent of a transgender child. All the way through the book I kept thinking how blessed Jordan was to have such loving, understanding parents who were prepared to do anything for their child. The author did a great job of not coming across as judgemental towards others who displayed quite narrow points of view and I really connected with how she said, 'Your curiosity does not make it your business to know or have the right to question.' The chapter about washrooms was also very good and really highlighted just how stupid this recent debate has become.
    The author sets out clear objectives of what she wanted to achieve in writing and publishing this book and there is no question that she has achieved this. It did sometimes feel like the book was written by a parent for other parents and since I am not a parent myself that did sometimes cause me to disconnect with the book a little. I think the author may have underestimated the impact the book could have on a wider audience. This book certainly made me stop, think, reconsider and develop a much more sympathetic and understanding view around the issue of Transgenderism.
    It is very easy to read high profile books that have huge marketing campaigns, written by big name authors, but it is books like 'I Promise Not to Tell' that shape the people we become and the views we have towards others. I strongly recommend others to read this book and I wish that young adults in schools were expected to read such texts.