Okay, I have to say that I picked this book up partly due to all the hype and partly because it s involved two of my favorite genres I mean, so many people had recommended it to me and I finally got sick of hearing about it, so I picked it up and read it or as least tried to.Let me first say that I am a huge romance and vampire supernatural fan, so when I first heard about the book I was really excited to read it because it combined two of my favorite genres.But, I really regret ever buying and forcing myself to finish it I hate not finishing books, even if I hate them , it was so bad Though, let me tell you that I really wanted to like it, really I did I m one of those people who likes a lot of popular things, Twilight was popular, so I figured I would love it just like everyone else, but I was very, very wrong A lot of fans wonder why I hate the book so much and here is my list and it s a pretty long one, so get ready 1 Lack of characterization Bella Okay I absolutely hated this girl She was the worst female protagonist I have ever read about She s stupid, shallow, selfish and just plain annoying Not to mention she s pathetically dependent on Edward I mean, come on, NO girl should be that dependent on a boy, not only is that pathetic, but it is very unhealthy She was also a clumsy little damsel in distress who was dumb enough to get herself into situations that she couldn t get out of I would have loved for Meyer to have given her a backbone, so she could have done something useful instead of whining and doing stupid, idiotic things that no remotely intelligent teenage girl would actually do Not to mention the fact that she is apparently very plain looking if that s the case then why are there several guys fawning over her And, according to Meyer, one of them is a teacher um, ew Bella is a Mary Sue, simple as that And I hate Mary Sues.Edward Okay, this boy is just way too possessive and stalkerish it is not romantic of him to sneak into Bella s room and watch her sleep It s creepy and wrong Oh, and bad boys usually don t sit there and say I m dangerous, stay away etc all the time I also hated the fact that Bella described some part of his body every other page It was completely UNNECESSARY Okay, we get the fact that he s hot, Bella now MOVE ON I could go on and on about all the characters every single one of them was a flat, cardboard cut out that did not seem realistic at all.2 Writing style Purple Prose Ew to this seriously, all the purple prose made me want to throw the book across the room Enough said 3 Descriptions I know I said up there that I got sick of reading about how gorgeous some part of Edward s body was every other paragraph and if that wasn t bad enough what s worse than is the fact that even with all that unnecessary description of him and everyone else though mostly him, since Bella is that shallow I still had a hard time picturing him or any of the characters in my head, for that matter I also had a hard time picturing a lot of the setting and the action in my head as well It s kind of sad really there was so much description, you would think that everything Edward especially would be embedded into my brain, but no That s what makes me wonder why so many fans find Edward so hot , I never got a clear picture of him in my head to even begin to form an opinion about whether he was hot or not.Seriously, Meyer completely abused the dictionary and the thesaurus while writing this book so much so that I think she should never be allowed to look at either one ever again there are so many big descriptive words used that could be replaced by smaller words that look and sound better Half the time the words that she does use doesn t really go with what she s trying to say Simply put Stephenie Meyer is a moron and doesn t know that when writing you are supposed to use the thesaurus sparingly aka only when it is truly needed and not any time you damn well please , it really ruins everything if it s used too much as Meyer has perfectly portrayed with this atrocious book.4 Plot Okay, the plot gets it s own category because it pissed me off so much I mean, seriously where was it It was nothing but sappy, gag worthy fluff between Edward and Bella until page 400 or so, when something finally happened And, even then it went by so fast and was not explained well at all since Bella conveniently fainted during it, which is such a cop out It seemed to me that Meyer just threw it in there, and it was only put there in the first place, so that she could point at it and say, Look, there s a plot right there , when people like me came around and said otherwise But that s not a plot The plot should not take 400 pages to start And no the whole romance between Bella and Edward is not the plot This is especially the case since we knew from the beginning thanks to the moronic give away on the back cover that states that Bella and Edward were going to fall in love speaking of that, who the hell thought it would be a good idea to give away the fact that Edward was a vampire on the back cover I mean really That took away any suspense mystery the book might have had for the reader about what he was so, while Bella was stupidly wondering what he was, I was sitting there yelling at her for being such a moron and not seeing what was right in front of her.5 Plot holes The one thing that drove me absolutely CRAZY was the the fact that no one in the small town of Forks noticed that the Cullens never aged And the children never graduated and went on to college I mean, if they ve been there for than four years, than I m assuming that someone would have noticed I mean, the town could not be full of that many morons Okay I ve been told several times that Cullens have only been living in Forks for about two years I guess all the purple prose distracted me from reading and remembering that little detail Speaking of school, why in the world would they willingly choose to take high school over and over again Especially since they all have several college degrees which leads me to wonder why, since they are so human loving they can t do something useful with their education like Carlisle, instead of sitting on their butts all day and just being useless I know they need to fit in , but seriously that s just stupid they could always pretend that they re home schooled it s not that uncommon these days Since that s how the Cullens fit into society, that means they have to move every four or five years to avoid suspicion, right Wow that must really suck However, they wouldn t have to do that if they didn t put the younger ones in school since if they were in the workforce and being useful to society then they could stay for a lot longer before people started wondering why they don t age But, I think I know why Edward and his siblings tortured themselves day after day by going to high school Stephenie Meyer wasn t creative enough to come up with any other way for Edward and Bella to meet It would have made sense for them to have been neighbors or something I can come up with several nice ideas about how that would have turned out and it would have been much better.I ve been told that there are , but those are the two that really bugged me Though, I love the fans response to the mention of any plot hole the rabid ones, not the sane ones, of course It usually goes like this Well it is a fictional vampire book That s a stupid reason Just because it s a book with vampires doesn t mean it s exempt from having to be realistic and not having glaring plot holes.I ve also been told that there are even in later books, but I m not about to torture myself by reading the rest of the series just to find them and list them I have better things to do with my time like reading books that are actually good and not a waste of my time or money.6 VampiresLike I said before, I m a big vampire fan But, this book is an embarrassment to vampire fiction The vampires are pathetic, sweet, innocent, almost misunderstood creatures I know that Meyer has every right to create her own idea about vampires And, to be honest, I was okay with her idea about vampires until they started sparkling VAMPIRES DON T SPARKLE To have them sparkle takes away the evilness of the myth of the creatures since, they are creatures of the devilat least, originally, they were Evil creatures do not sparkle, the idea s laughable at best Most normal people are not scared of something that sparkles in the sun I mean, I know if I saw someone sparkling I would not immediately think vampire and run Not only because I don t associate sparkling with vampires, but also because how the hell is sparkling evil or scary By the way, the whole sparkling vampire idea just seemed to be there because Meyer wanted a reason as to why the vampires could even walk around in the daylight to begin with The idea was just a convenient way for her to write the vampires Since, she s incapable of coming up with a better, much creative idea I don t mind the fact that they could come out during the day since that s not unheard of in vampire fiction nowadays , but I wish that Meyer had come up with a better idea that didn t make me laugh uncontrollably at the thought All the other myths about vampires are nonexistent Holy water and garlic won t bother them just like the sun , stake through the heart won t kill them either, even beheading them won t get rid of them She made her vampires practically invincible which is annoying The only way to really kill one of her vampires is to rip it apart and burn the pieces or to blow it up Two things that a human would have a hard time doing which, makes me wonder why, if they re so invincible, they live in secrecy Especially since from my knowledge most vampires don t live like the Cullens, they could careless about humans If most other vampires were so cruel, why don t they come out to humanity and take over It makes a lot sense since a mere human would have a very difficult time killing just one vampire The fact that they had no weaknesses annoyed the crap out of me Along with being almost invincible, they all had these special powers , but they didn t have the bad side effects with them, only the good All in all, her vampires were perfect.I don t like my vampires to be blood thirsty monsters that kill everything in sight But, I also don t want them to be so pathetic and innocent either The only two vampiric qualities that are there are the ones that are well known among everyone drinking blood well, sort of since the Cullens are vegetarian vampires an idea that seriously made me laugh and being immortal Otherwise, the Cullens are disgustingly human like.I think the thing I have the problem with the most is the fact that Meyer has never seen any vampire movies t.v shows or read any vampire novels There s this saying in regards to writing Write what you know Stephenie Meyer knew nothing about vampires when she wrote this horrible excuse for a vampire novel which is probably why it was so awful in comparison to other vampire novels, whether those books are in the romance section of the bookstore or the horror sci fi section A good author always does their research whether it s fiction or non fiction is irrelevant This doesn t mean that she needed to go by the other myths, it just means that she should have done a little research to see what she was getting herself into If she had done this, I would have been able to respect her ideas because at least then she would have done her research Where the vampires are concerned, this novel is an embarrassment to vampire supernatural fiction.7 MessagesI am somewhat appalled at the messages that this book sends out they are so anti feminist, it s disgusting 1 It s perfectly okay to have no goals or aspirations or even an education, just get yourself a man and he ll take care of you All Bella wants is to be with Edward, some aspirations, huh 2 It s also perfectly okay to like someone because of their physical features this is not love people, it s lust They have nothing in common He likes her because she smells nice and she likes him because he s hot Bella goes on and on and on about how hot some part of Edward is every other page 3 When you have several guys fawning over you pick the hottest one of them all because looks are so very important Mike and Eric pretty much say the same thing to Bella on her first day of school, but she s nicer to Mike than Eric because the latter wasn t very attractive Also, she picks Edward because of his looks as well 4 It s okay if the guy you love sneaks into your bedroom and watches you sleep at night before you even know him all that well that s completely normal and romantic not the the least bit creepy or stalkerish It s completely disgusting to hear girls talk about this They swoon and gush about how romantic it is seriously, what is wrong with people these days 5 It is perfectly okay to become completely obsessed with your boyfriend and depend on him for everything Bella s obsession and dependence on Edward sets feminism back a couple hundred years or so 6 It also teaches that not only is it okay to change yourself for a guy, but it s also okay to give up EVERYTHING for him as well Bella wants to become a vampire and leave her family and friends to be with Edward What The Hell 7 Your life is not complete until you find a man This is nothing but a LIE Girls do not need a man to be complete Like with the plot holes, I ve been told that there are many terrible messages in later books and once again, I m not about to go out and read the books However, I will say this from what I ve heard, they sound worse than the ones I ve already listed.8 The Obsession Well, this gets its own category, mostly because I just don t understand what all the obsession is over it s a book, and a poorly written one at that I run across girls all the time arguing over who Edward belongs to it s pathetic and kind of scary He s a book character he doesn t belong to anyone, but Meyer, since she s the one who created him.I also hate the fact that I can t go into the book store now without being bombarded with a huge display dedicated to this crappy series makes me sick to see such praise and popularity for a mediocre book series when there are so much better authors out there that are virtually ignored since they write real fiction and none of this poorly written wish fulfillment fantasy crap.This was obviously a fulfillment story that I would expect a preteen to write on her livejournal This is not a book I would expect a thirty something year old woman with a college education to write and actually attempt and then succeed in getting published And, it was a degree in English seriously, I would have expected much better from someone who had that degree since she spent college studying books and analyzing them etc you would think that she would know how to write one the proper wayMeyer could have made this book great, but no instead she took the easy way out a cliched, simple, overused plot and added vampires to it as if that made it any different.Honestly, I ve read better over on fictionpress.com and that s really sad, because most of the authors over there are between the ages of 14 and 26 and are amateurs in the field Maybe, if Meyer had posted this up there first, it would have been a much better story because the good writers over there would have set her straight Maybe then, I would have been able to get through the novel, because it might have actually been good And, oh just for the record Twilight is NOT the next Harry Potter, nor is it better than Harry Potter I say that not only because JK Rowling actually has talent, but also because they are in completely different genres and can t really be compared.Though, it does make me sick to see Harry Potter even mentioned in the same sentence as this piece of crap unfortunately, that couldn t be avoided in this review and it s an insult to JK Rowling to have her amazing writing compared to the horrible writing of Stephenie Meyer.EDIT I found this site, and thought I should share with everyone creator of the above site has scanned copies of the Twilight books on to her computer and has taken it upon herself to point out the many issues that the books have these are mostly grammatical in nature If you are a fangirl who believes that Twilight is perfect and has no flaws then you should really take a look at this. I hate this book I will probably end up reading the rest of them, because if I don t, people that love this thing will think they can convert me if I just keep reading ETA Jan 2013 Never even remotely bothered to finish the series In short the writing mechanics are atrocious The dialogue is stilted and absolutely wretched The characterization is bad loose, jumpy, and the progression is occasionally senseless The main characters themselves are not compelling selfish, shallow, lacking the deep thought that comes with true passion and love and instead leaping recklessly into stupid and deadly situations when anyone with a brain could see sixty other possibilities that should have been tried first.I can t express my disgust for the relationship between Edward and Bella It s not romance, it s not passion, it s not love It s selfish idiocy at best Bella as a character is insufferable her self sacrificing streak is not compassion, it s sheer stupidity It s hormones It s a bad, bad example for the teenage girls who read it Bella s whole life is tied up in her boyfriend She has no goals, passions, ambitions, or dreams besides wanting to be with Edward, who could kill her.Edward s element of danger is occasionally compelling, but it s totally overshadowed by the fact that Bella is completely oblivious to it She doesn t fear him at all, and that doesn t come off like love once again, it comes off as total stupidity.Edward What can I say about Edward There is nothing lovable about him except that he is apparently the most beautiful thing in existence He s selfish he stays near Bella when he knows he could lose control and kill her at any second He s a creepy stalker he watches her while she sleeps, before she even really knows him He s volatile his mood swings are insane and ridiculous He s immature for someone who s been alive for a hundred years, he doesn t seem to have gained much experience He s controlling he doesn t want to let her out of his sight for two seconds Granted, she s dumb enough to get herself killed if he does He s insulting he treats Bella like an incapable, silly little girl Which he s right to, but I digress It s still insulting I understand that Bella s smell and that Bella herself are irresistible to him But if he wanted the best for her, he d stay away from her, period, the end The story is stupid, the love story is bad, and if that s what Stephenie Meyer is preaching to teenage girls, I think it s pretty questionable It s not just a fun read There are girls out there who want to be Bella and who want to find an Edward.Anyway.I think I might enjoy the story a lot if Bella s idiot head was not the one I had to spend time in while reading it If I had to read one description of how beautiful Edward is, I was going to choke a kitten If it had focused on the vampire family I would have been a lot willing to forgive its faults I thought Carlisle s and Alice s stories were really compelling, and Edward was finally accessible to me when he talked about Carlisle turning him into a vampire and how his family came to be formed, his life before Bella, etc Some aspects of the vampirism were truly awesome I found the idea that vampires can never sleep completely terrifying That they never, ever get a break and never, ever get to rest that is a wonderful and ghastly idea.Entirely overshadowed by their flowery breath and the fact that they sparkle Mothereffing ridiculous.This is hardly the tip of the iceberg, but I m trying to spare you at least a little. It turns out we don t need Dr John Gray to tell us that men are from Transylvania and women are from Venus We just need to read Stephenie Meyer books For example, from this book we learn that the millions of women who have wolfed down the Twilight series pun intended want men who 1 Talk about their feelings Either Meyer s husband is the single most communicative male on the planet and she doesn t realize how unusual he is, or she, like most of her female readers, is using her fiction to imagine a world where men not only have deep emotions but want to admit to having them and talk about them over and over, articulating even the most subtle of their internal dramas 2 Make them flutter But just being a sensitive new age kind of guy doesn t cut it A man has to be hard bodied, chiseled, dashing, and have eyes that pierce the soul, if not the skin even as they never look at your chest This book suggests that a real man makes you constantly stumble over your words, bite your lip to refrain from exclaiming adulations, and lose yourself in the sweet smell of his breath 3 Are fiercely devoted That a girl of no spectacular beauty, who lacks any trace of conversation skills whose only virtue is that she smells really yummy can inspire an immortal creature of godlike power and grace to alter his entire existence to serve and protect her, watching over her by night on that in 4 This is a woman s ultimate fantasy to have the perfect man, perfectly devoted, for no good reason at all.4 Want them so bad that they won t take them This, alas, is the most transparent aspect of this book s appeal It speaks volumes about the differences between men and women to have so many women toss their bodice ripping romances aside in order to read how a feral man with otherworldly physical desires can contain his passion and lust out of his pure and perfect love for his beloved It says that women really do wish they could have it both ways, to be an object of lust and devotion at once, to fulfill a man s desire without actually slaking his thirst for her To have a man watch you sleep and not want to have even a little peek under the covers now that s hot fantasy for today s woman who is otherwise told on a regular basis that to be her best self she has to enage in casual and risky sexual behavior To see just what an indulgent fantasy this book is, just imagine the male centric version of Twilight, in which a troubled teen boy moves to a small town to find the hottest girl in town is a vampiress Such a book would be about 100 pages long all the unnecessary internal dialogue would be removed No one would talk except to comment on the awesome size of, um, one s videogame library The vampiress would be simple relatively dumb, incredibly hot, wearing almost nothing, and with no expectations of her man but drawn to him only by the smell of his gym bag She wouldn t hold herself back from trying to bite her intended, but would get so distracted with his bedroom technique that she would never get around to it We would laugh at such a book in fact, we know it would never be a book since men don t read it would be a movie, and it would be a smash summer hit called American Vam Pie er, I ll start the screenplay right away Somehow, when this story is told in a similarly indulgent female centric vein, we don t reject it, but sympathize with it I believe this is because women get to indulge in their fantasies so rarely outside of Jane Austen novels while men are surrounded with theirs So far I have yet see spam email inviting one to read hot things devoted husbands would say to their wives or see pictures of hunks promising not to get nasty out of respect for their women or buy this purple pill so you can stay up late and share your feelings seven times in one night So hats off to Stephenie Meyer for figuring out what it is that women really want and giving it to them. I really enjoy lively details There s nothing better than knowing an author has really thought about her characters and situations, and come up with some surprising and delightful detail that makes the whole reading experience fuller Lively details, you understand pointless details are a nightmare to read I don t need to know that Bella ate a granola bar for breakfast I REALLY DON T Notice that I remembered the granola bar I think this is partly because I was fervently hoping it would have significance Like, she would spectacularly choke on her oatmeal the next day and think, AH, I should have had a granola bar like yesterday Show, don t tell is not the be all and end all of writing There s a little thing called summary narrative It s beautiful it facilitates plot progression without having to follow your narrator through 24 fucking hours of a day and watch as she eats a fucking granola bar for breakfast.I ve seen this novel accused of Mary Sue ism and um, yeah, any character named Isabella Swan seems destined to be a Mary Sue But honestly, I wouldn t begrudge a semi autobiographical story if it actually had any of the realism of autobiography All the high school teenage stuff honestly made me boggle Because that s not what high school is like That s not what being seventeen is like Twilight reads like well, it reads like a thirtysomething who has no recollection of being 17 Bella has all the emotional maturity of a 32 year old and that s just not remotely believable Meyer is not a bad writer She has the ability to string words together Unfortunately, she lacks any kind of flair There was no original description no truly evocative language Twilight reads like Meyer has read a lot of mediocre novels and regurgitated the same kind of language onto the page There is just nothing exciting to the language The dialogue is awful not only uninspiring and lacking in wit, but it s all the same There s no difference in speech patterns to the characters no awareness of personal tics The characterization is wafer thin see above, re Mary Sue The plotting is terrible the novel trundles along at a slow pace for 250 pages and then Meyer seems to suddenly realize she needs a climax and the gears shift abruptly and the reader is caught up in a series of ridiculous contrivances that set up Meyer s final set piece which, by the way, I saw coming a mile away.This is such a profoundly antifeminist novel And it s funny, because I think Meyer has no idea that it s antifeminist I mean, she has a female heroine A heroine who reads Austen and writes essays about misogyny in Shakespeare Surely she s kicking butt for all womankind Um no She cooks, she cleans, she looks after the man in her life She needs male characters to protect her from the big, bad, scary world She falls headfirst into a disturbingly dysfunctional relationship with a man 90 years her senior without the slightest amount of worry Seriously Bella Edward What s that all about I don t get the attraction He has her in his thrall She is, let me quote, unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him and after, like, a week oO She s consumed by him she s willing to sacrifice her life for him, and that s romantic I just think it s a bit sick, really You know what I find romantic Human warmth Not sweeping, dramatic statements of everlasting and overarching love Little, sweet moments of connection that ring true That s something Twilight s apparently epic love story is sorely lacking in Did I say Bella has the emotional maturity of a 32 year old Well, except when it comes to Edward There she has the emotional maturity of a dumb dog. I actually had to give this book three separate reviews by three sides of my personality My three star rating is the median of the three Review 1, by My Inner Fifteen Year Old Girl 5 stars Bella is smart, funny, well read, pretty and yet misunderstood by most of her peers just like me Then she meets a cool, hot guy who turns out to be a good vampire, and he can do really cool things, like run fast and stop cars with his hands, but he s still sweet and wonderful It s ultimate wish fulfillment fantasy what s not to like Meyers can make your heart speed up with some of the tense, tortured we must be together no, what if i hurt you pg 13 erotica Review 2, by My Fan of YA Lit 3 Stars Meyers can tell a pretty good story, when she lets herself actually tell it the book starts out well, and would have been a bit interesting if I hadn t known he was a vampire all along Then it slows down during the long getting to know you dialogue exchanges between Edward and Bella there s no plot, just back story and exposition disguised as conversations, and far too many I can t be with you, I don t want to hurt you But I love you, I don t care about danger back and forths When the evil vamps show up, however, the story kicks back in and the end is quite exciting When Meyers isn t dwelling on how perfectly angelic Edward is again she can get the pages turning Since there are A LOT of pages to turn, I wish she would have infused that urgency into the story often While abandoning most of the conventional cliches of vampire lore stakes, sunlight, garlic, coffins she keeps all the modern vamp romance cliches alabaster skin, good hair, expensive taste in clothes, tragically distant , and adds a few of her own unfortunate twists vampires avoid the sun because it makes them sparkle, the good vamp clan play some extreme version of baseball in a scene that was far too Quidich y for my taste Too many cliches or trying to hard to be original somehow both criticisms are accurate Review 3, by My Inner Feminist 1 Star Meyers describes Bella as being strong, brave, and independent, but then shows her as a spineless, cowering victim who needs to be saved by her violently jealous and over protective boyfriend She constantly goes on and on about how Edward is perfect at everything and how he s so gorgeous and she is so unworthy of him, how he s so strong and he protects her In fact, she never gives any reason for liking him other than how hot he is, but that s fair because Edward never gives a reason for liking her other than she smells good He is frustrated that Bella is the only person whose thoughts he can t read, so he eavesdrops on her friends minds to find out what they talk about, he follows her whenever she leaves her house, and he secretly camps outside her room when she sleeps that doesn t sound sweet, it sounds creepy If girls want a romantic, conflicted vampire human romance, they should go watch the firs three seasons of Buffy not only is there the dark, mysterious, conflicted vampire, but the girl he s in love with can kick some serious ass all on her own. my name is bella bella swan here s what stephenie didn t tell you it s super duper important.on the morning after it rained, it was rainy outside and i frowned at it being so rainy all the time i chuckled to myself, darn weather i stared at the rain outside, which is where they usually keep the rain there was never any rain in phoenix i love phoenix i hate rain i tripped over a large air pocket on my bedroom floor and bashed my skull into the corner of my bookcase, which had three shelves and was faux wood veneer after i applied cold compresses and stanched most of the bleeding, i drove to school, but they must have moved the school building across town i chuckled to myself, darn school moving people after i drove around for a few hours looking for where they put the building, edward cullen pulled up alongside me in his shiny, silver volvo, which was silver and a saab, i think his well muscled chest was riding shotgun, wearing a blue gray waffle knit long sleeved t shirt, relaxed fit jeans with contrast stitching in a lightly distressed wash, and an ivory colored jacket made from the dyed skins of clubbed baby seals he dressed very well, like someone who wears nice clothes.his well muscled chest waved to me like an old friend, but edward glowered at me from the driver s seat his eyes were black i think he came down with glaucoma.even though he glared at me and gave me the finger, he smiled and told me to follow him to school he knew where they kept it i wonder how he found out but just then, i nearly tripped over my gas pedal and fell through the windshield i am so clumsy when we got to school, edward s well muscled chest walked me to english class try to be careful in there, the chest giggled while at the same time giving me a sinister sideward glance that made the blood in the veins under my skin in my body feel ice cold haha, i giggled, tapping the chest on its rippling pectorals very funny, i then said running my finger around his kennedy half dollar sized nipples i ll try to be careful, i joked, alarmed at the unearthly chill emitted by his taut obliques.everyone stared at us in the hallway, which was a long interior space allowing access to various doors the students were wearing clothes and talking and carrying books through the windows of the classroom which looked onto the out of doors, i could see the rain was still raining outside then i tripped over my clitoris and fell into a galvanized steel av cart on casters three people were seriously injured.i chuckled and turn bright red how embarrassing.at the end of the school day edward cullen came to walk me to my car his chest was nowhere to be seen probably at banana republic or out hunting mountain lions again i chuckled to myself, darn chest where s my car i giggled after chuckling for a while don t you remember that you totaled it this morning when you drove into the orphan s hospital he said he was looking at me with his eyes he gave me his ivory jacket to keep me dry from the rain, which is usually very wet then he looked at me again, smiling with the right half of his mouth but frowning with the left half of his mouth and oddly expressionless in the middle part of his mouth you know, i said, falling over a parking bumper into a rack of bicycles, rain isn t the only thing there is that gets me wet let s just be friends, he hissed, arching an eyebrow, flexing his sinewy wrists, and flaring his beautiful muscular nostrils.i realized then he might be a vampire or really gay or a really gay vampire i should have known he had erasure cassettes in the car. Save your time here s the entirety of Twilight in 20 dialogue snippets a wiggedy wack intermission.First 200 pages I like you, Edward You shouldn t I m dangerous I like you, Edward But I m dangerous Next 50 pages I m a vampire I like you, Edward But I m a vampire I m dangerous I like you, Edward Next 100 pages I like you, Edward You smell good, Bella I m dangerous I like you, Edward Damn, you smell good I like you, Edward Also, I glow in sunlight Next 50 pages A VAMPIRE BASEBALL GAME I wish I was kidding Last 100 pages Help me, Edward I m being chased I ll save you Help me, Edward I m scared I ll save you Oh, Edward You smell good One half star for lack of quality, and one half star for being unintentionally hilarious especially page 314. Oh my This book, to me, is like chocolate a delicious, sinful, addictive indulgence which you convince yourself has beneficial qualities zinc, calcium, keeps me quiet at that time of the month in order to justify your addiction.By beneficial qualities , I mean that it s reading, and since when is reading bad Let me say quite clearly that I m a sucker for romance, especially the intense, passionate, tragic kind I don t read romance novels , though, because to me they are lacklustre Meyer s book has the extra edge I need, though, a great way of keeping doom hanging over the main characters heads she s human, he s a vampire.Sound corny Yeah, I know, and the only reason Meyer gets away with it as well as she does is because Twilight doesn t try to be anything it s not, and it has such conviction Only Meyer could get away with giving her narrator the name Isabella Swan She says in her little bio at the back that she wanted to write believable characters an interesting choice, then, to write about vampires, but I believed in them, and without such a willing suspension of disbelief, the story would have been a farce True, a lot of people haven t been able to suspend their disbelief with this book, but that doesn t affect my reading experience Seventeen year old Bella s parents are divorced She lives with her mum in Phoenix, Arizona, and spends time with her dad Charlie in Forks, Washington State, where it rains almost constantly She hates Forks, but when her mum remarries a baseball player, Phil, and starts travelling with him, Bella decides to move to Forks.On her first day at school she notices the isolated group of five beautiful, graceful siblings Rosalie, Alice, Emmet, Edward and Jasper One in particular catches her eye Edward Cullen, with his rust brown hair and topaz eyes She is than a little surprised and shocked when he seems to have developed an acute, profound hatred of her Her fascination deepens, especially when, after a brief disappearance, he saves her life She soon figures out what Edward is, and the knowledge doesn t frighten her The shaky friendship between them develops into something much stronger, and Edward reveals his overpowering reaction to her smell that nearly made him kill her on the spot hence the look on his face that so shocked her, and the restraint he put on himself during an hour of Biology.Let s not forget he s incredibly handsome even though Bella describes almost every glance he makes and every twitch of his lips, not once did I get bored and roll my eyes My fascination grew alongside hers, until I too fell in love with Edward in a totally girly, daydreamy way Yes, I admit it I don t know if that makes this a girly kind of book these days those boundaries don t seem to matter so much, and the vampire family is pretty darn cool, what with Edward s extra ability to read minds, Alice s premonitions, Jasper s ability to affect people s emotions, their speed, their invincibility Bella is at one point compared to Lois Lane, because Edward and his kin really are like Superman.One of the things I love about YA books the clarity with which they are written Granted there is some repetition in Twilight, but to me it s necessary repetition There s nothing superfluous in Twilight, nothing that shouldn t be there, and the flow, the pacing, is great It s a fat book, but I read it in two days I read it with breakfast, on my walk to the subway, on the subway, up the escalator, through the ticket gates, to work, in my lunch break you get the picture I couldn t get enough of it, and it left me with that same craving for that Harry Potter did I remember scrounging around for loose change as soon as I finished one of them and dashing off into the city to get my next fix It helped that four were already out when I started There s plenty of negative stuff you could say about this book the writing, the characters, the obsession but again, I couldn t care less Another thing I loved was all the vampire myths Meyer scrapped These vampires aren t burnt to ash by sunlight their marble skin glitters as the sunlight is broken into miniscule shards, like diamonds hence why they are living in Forks, where the sun hardly ever shines They are not hurt by crucifixes or stakes through the heart They do not sleep at all, nor do they eat human food They drive fast cars really really fast And they can fall in love Awwww.Seriously though, this was one of most fun, most enjoyable, most romantic books I ve read in a long time, and I m so happy there are two out with a fourth on the way They are, somewhat predictably, making Twilight into a movie still in the early development stage but it s rather fun to go to the author s website and see her own preferences for actors to play Edward etc Can t say I m familiar with most of them, but her top choice now sadly too old , is indeed a perfect match Who knows who they ll really cast, but as with the book, the characters have to be right or the whole story will be just silly and sappy Since reading this the first time back in 2007, I ve started reading some romance novels Yes I ve been corrupted Or rather, I ve always loved romance stories but had trouble admitting it Now, I just don t care About three things I was absolutely positive.First, Edward was a vampire.Second, there was a part of him and I didn t know how dominant that part might be that thirsted for my blood.And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.In the first book of the Twilight Saga, internationally bestselling author Stephenie Meyer introduces Bella Swan and Edward Cullen, a pair of star crossed lovers whose forbidden relationship ripens against the backdrop of small town suspicion and a mysterious coven of vampires This is a love story with bite. Let me give you an idea of how much my opinion of this book changed at different stages of reading When I was about a third of the way through, I was so into it that I immediately put my name on the library reservations list for the sequel, and wishlisted every edition on BookMooch Now, having finished, I doubt I ll bother to read any further in the series The opening is really quite interesting Bella moves from sunny Arizona to rainy, gloomy Washington State to live with her father her somewhat loopy mom wants to follow her new husband while he s on the road as a minor league ballplayer To her surprise, she gains almost instant popularity at her new high school with the exception of the beautiful Edward Cullen and his siblings, who either ignore her, or in the case of Edward himself, seem to be repulsed by her Even though the reader probably knows going in that at least part of what s going on relates to Edward being a vampire because it says in BIG LETTERS ON THE BACK that Edward is a vampire , it s still fun to speculate about what exactly is going on why does Edward seem both drawn and repelled by Bella Why does he save her life What are a bunch of vampires doing impersonating students at a small town high school, anyway Unfortunately, the answers to all these questions seem to be either nonexistent or extremely lame Edward reacts weirdly to Bella because she 1 smells unusually good, and 2 is the only person he s ever met whose mind he cannot read No 1 apparently makes him fall in love with her, while the reasons behind No 2 are never explained But, you know, the actual mysterious stuff is apparently not important instead it s important that we realize that the Cullens are good vampires, who only eat animals, and who do nice, all American things like play baseball in the woods Okay Also, all the weaknesses you ve heard vampires have are just myths Garlic, stakes, even sunlight no problemo Yet Edward would never even consider turning Bella, because that would make her an Evil Thing Oh, and they also can t have sex, presumably because Meyer once read Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex and or is a Mormon Sorry.Instead, what Edward and Bella apparently CAN do is be very emo and teenage about their twu luv despite Edward actually being over 100 years old , and be threatened by a villain that shows up in the novel s last third just to give it some semblance of an actual plot Then, once all is well, they go to the prom SERIOUSLY THE BOOK ENDS WITH EDWARD TAKING BELLA TO THE PROM What The Fuck.And still, none of this answers my number one question if you were a century old vampire, why the HELL would you spend your time going to high school in Washington State Especially when you re not even trying to bang high school girls Angel at his most pathetic emo mopiness had spine.